What is with facebook and how it makes you feel.
I made the decision today to remove someone from facebook. This is the same person who I talked about a few posts ago. I thought she was a very good friend, but ever since the spiteful email she has completely ignored me. I lost my bbm contacts last week and after sending my pin out again so they could re add me she has ignored it, ignored several attempts at contact also via text or on facebook and email. She has also already restricted her profile so I could no longer see her status updates. So it was like I was not allowed to be involved or see what she was doing in her life but she still wanted to know what I was doing.
To me that isn't friendship or her wanting to move on from things that were said in the email, that to me is a clear sign that our friendship of nearly 6years no longer means anything to her and she no longer wants to hear from me at all. I don't know how long it will take her to realise she has been deleted off facebook or if she will try and make contact to see why or not.
I feel very sad about this and the thought still makes me very upset. It feels as bad as when I split up with a boyfriend. I still can't believe she seems to be so determined to cut me out of her life over a simple difference of opinions
Wedding!
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Monday, January 16, 2012
Woohoo
In April I will be doing a 5 week course on sign language-hooray. I am very happy about this and looking forward to learning some sign language and going back to studying- if only for a short while.
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
IVs have started......
................and I feel horrific!!
So sunday was not a good day at all. I spent alot of the day feeling very breathless and having to sit down and rest alot. I got dressed and had to then rest on my bed for nearly 20minutes before I felt able to walk through to my living room (I live in a bungalow and to get from my bedroom to living room you walk out the door, take 1 step and walk through the living room door!!). Even drinking was causing me to feel out of breath. Now having a sip of drink should not leave me feeling out of breath!!
Then sunday night when I went to bed I got some very intense and sharp chest pain that seemed to be radiating outwards from the centre of my chest to the sides. This was a very different pain to the usual chest pain I get and I did not like it at all! I couldn't lay down as this made the pain worse, but when I sat up it got a little bit easier. So I ended up sleeping sat upright propped against my pillows. Not the first time that has happened and it won't be the last.
Monday I woke up feeling a little better. Chest was still a little achy but nothing I couldn't cope with (more back to like my usual dull ache pain) and still a little breathless on lots of exertion but not as extreme as the day before.
I made it to the hospital for about 10.15 ready for my 10.30 appointment. My CF nurse however was 20mins late for my appointment and then had to set the room up we would be using, so we didn't get round to attempting to needle my port until about 11am. She missed again!! I'm pretty sure I blogged about my last set of IVs and how the CF nurse missed my port twice before getting someone else to come and do it who got it first time. Well this same nurse missed again today and just got someone else straight away. The other CF nurse got it in first time and I think we have now decided the first CF nurse wont ever be touching my port again. I don't know what her problem with it is as its a very easy port to needle. So then my port was very sore but it was needled and working ok. My IVs went through ok and I left the hospital ward at about 12 to go home.
When I got home during the afternoon I started to feel a little bit rubbish. My chest got more achy, my tongue started to go numb (very common side effect that I get from the 2 drugs that I am on- tazocin and colomycin), it felt like I had a lump in the back of my throat and any food or drink made me feel a little bit sick (again all side effects that I deal with as Tazocin is a wonder drug for me and can increase my lung function by anything up to 15% and other drugs can have minimal to no effect).
Today has not been alot better. I didn't make it into school where I volunteer as I just didn't feel well enough. My chest felt very sore and tight and just generally very achy when I woke up and I knew it would not ease in time for me to be able to drive to school and be of any use. I had only planned on being there for the morning instead of the whole day anyway because of the time my afternoon dose of IVs fall. I was a little gutted that I didn't make it there but I knew the rest was more important. I've also had to cancel going out to see a couple of friends tonight as again just not well enough. The muscles in my back have also started to go into abit of spasm which is quite painful and something I could of done without! It started off being my left shoulder and thought it was because I had just slept abit funny. It has now spread across my back and is affecting my neck and at some points its felt like my head has been too heavy for my neck to hold up. Then to top it off my lower back started to join in to!
I've told my mum that my whole body has just decided to give up and she should just send me to the scrap yard for spare parts lol.
Here's hoping tomorrow is a better day!
So sunday was not a good day at all. I spent alot of the day feeling very breathless and having to sit down and rest alot. I got dressed and had to then rest on my bed for nearly 20minutes before I felt able to walk through to my living room (I live in a bungalow and to get from my bedroom to living room you walk out the door, take 1 step and walk through the living room door!!). Even drinking was causing me to feel out of breath. Now having a sip of drink should not leave me feeling out of breath!!
Then sunday night when I went to bed I got some very intense and sharp chest pain that seemed to be radiating outwards from the centre of my chest to the sides. This was a very different pain to the usual chest pain I get and I did not like it at all! I couldn't lay down as this made the pain worse, but when I sat up it got a little bit easier. So I ended up sleeping sat upright propped against my pillows. Not the first time that has happened and it won't be the last.
Monday I woke up feeling a little better. Chest was still a little achy but nothing I couldn't cope with (more back to like my usual dull ache pain) and still a little breathless on lots of exertion but not as extreme as the day before.
I made it to the hospital for about 10.15 ready for my 10.30 appointment. My CF nurse however was 20mins late for my appointment and then had to set the room up we would be using, so we didn't get round to attempting to needle my port until about 11am. She missed again!! I'm pretty sure I blogged about my last set of IVs and how the CF nurse missed my port twice before getting someone else to come and do it who got it first time. Well this same nurse missed again today and just got someone else straight away. The other CF nurse got it in first time and I think we have now decided the first CF nurse wont ever be touching my port again. I don't know what her problem with it is as its a very easy port to needle. So then my port was very sore but it was needled and working ok. My IVs went through ok and I left the hospital ward at about 12 to go home.
When I got home during the afternoon I started to feel a little bit rubbish. My chest got more achy, my tongue started to go numb (very common side effect that I get from the 2 drugs that I am on- tazocin and colomycin), it felt like I had a lump in the back of my throat and any food or drink made me feel a little bit sick (again all side effects that I deal with as Tazocin is a wonder drug for me and can increase my lung function by anything up to 15% and other drugs can have minimal to no effect).
Today has not been alot better. I didn't make it into school where I volunteer as I just didn't feel well enough. My chest felt very sore and tight and just generally very achy when I woke up and I knew it would not ease in time for me to be able to drive to school and be of any use. I had only planned on being there for the morning instead of the whole day anyway because of the time my afternoon dose of IVs fall. I was a little gutted that I didn't make it there but I knew the rest was more important. I've also had to cancel going out to see a couple of friends tonight as again just not well enough. The muscles in my back have also started to go into abit of spasm which is quite painful and something I could of done without! It started off being my left shoulder and thought it was because I had just slept abit funny. It has now spread across my back and is affecting my neck and at some points its felt like my head has been too heavy for my neck to hold up. Then to top it off my lower back started to join in to!
I've told my mum that my whole body has just decided to give up and she should just send me to the scrap yard for spare parts lol.
Here's hoping tomorrow is a better day!
Friday, January 6, 2012
Going back to studying?????
So today I was glancing through the local paper and noticed an advert from my local college. They have one in their fairly regularly showing part time courses, night time ones etc and I saw one that caught my eye. It was entitled 'Why do people act the way they do'. I wrote down the information from the paper about it and then went to their website to have look. After looking at the course info I realised that whilst I might find it interesting in parts I would probably have already covered most of what they talked about in my university degree (they are going to be examining some of the major psychology experiments into behaviour).
So instead I started having a look at what else they were offering and I ended up sending in an application form for a 5 week course into basic sign language. If there are spaces left on the course and I get accepted I will learn the following
I'm really hoping I get on the course as it will give me something to do and will also get me out the house meeting some other people one night a week.
So fingers crossed there are still places and I don't have to wait to long to hear.
So instead I started having a look at what else they were offering and I ended up sending in an application form for a 5 week course into basic sign language. If there are spaces left on the course and I get accepted I will learn the following
- fingerspell and basic sign language
- communicate signs for family relationships
- sign some numbers
- sign brief conversations about the weather
- sign brief conversations about colours
I'm really hoping I get on the course as it will give me something to do and will also get me out the house meeting some other people one night a week.
So fingers crossed there are still places and I don't have to wait to long to hear.
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Life has taken some interesting turns
So far 2012 has not been the best of years.....
I appear to of lost someone who I thought was a good friend. However based on the email I received I guess those feelings aren't mutual and they no longer seem to want to talk. I was very upset on receiving this email and may have cried for 2 solid hours after receiving it. I don't know if or when this issue will be resolved but as it stands I'm guessing not. I guess things happen for a reason but it still makes me a little sad. It has however shown me who some real friends are and their support and love will remain invaluable.
I was also at my joint diabetic/CF clinic today-things did not go well. For the last week or so that I decided to be good and actually check on my blood sugars they have been unstable and running high for no reason that I can pinpoint (As in I have been doing my insulin and been pretty confident on my carb counting so the ratio should of been correct). The decision was made that I need to do some more consistent testing so they can see if any patterns emerge and that I would go back in 3months to see what is happening and if my carb/insulin ratios need changing. I normally only have to go back every 6months so this was a little disappointing. Things were even worse on the CF side of things. I have what they class as a "significant" drop in lung function (this is anything over 10%) since I last did it in November. I have also lost a little bit of weight since November also. However what was more scary to realise was the amount of weight I had lost in comparison to this time last year (and it isn't through choice). So all of these things combined (and the fact my sugars are a little out of control) means I will be starting some IVs on monday. Whilst I don't necessarily feel bad they think it is better to get on top of it now before it gets worse. The problem is that high blood sugars feed infection, making the infection worse. This in turn can cause blood sugars to become even more elevated and thus begins a very vicious cycle. So fingers crossed that these IVs will help recover that loss in lung function and hopefully my sugars will also come under control more without me having to play around with my insulin ratios.
My foot is still very bruised and sore. The bruise has now spread across the entire top of my foot and is turning into some very pretty colours (I have some blue, light purple and dark purple!). I can't actually get my foot into my trainers as the top of my trainer hurts too much for me to wear it. I can however get it into my boot with a little bit of pain. However once the boot is on it is not too bad. Walking isn't overly comfortable right now as pressure in the wrong place sends some nice shooting pains through my foot. Whilst I am pleased it is not broken, I don't necessarily think soft tissue damage is any better. When I'm not walking and just sat down there is no pain in my foot but still need to take paracetamol regularly so I can walk about (like I was advised to do).
So thats my 2012 so far, how has yours been?????
I appear to of lost someone who I thought was a good friend. However based on the email I received I guess those feelings aren't mutual and they no longer seem to want to talk. I was very upset on receiving this email and may have cried for 2 solid hours after receiving it. I don't know if or when this issue will be resolved but as it stands I'm guessing not. I guess things happen for a reason but it still makes me a little sad. It has however shown me who some real friends are and their support and love will remain invaluable.
I was also at my joint diabetic/CF clinic today-things did not go well. For the last week or so that I decided to be good and actually check on my blood sugars they have been unstable and running high for no reason that I can pinpoint (As in I have been doing my insulin and been pretty confident on my carb counting so the ratio should of been correct). The decision was made that I need to do some more consistent testing so they can see if any patterns emerge and that I would go back in 3months to see what is happening and if my carb/insulin ratios need changing. I normally only have to go back every 6months so this was a little disappointing. Things were even worse on the CF side of things. I have what they class as a "significant" drop in lung function (this is anything over 10%) since I last did it in November. I have also lost a little bit of weight since November also. However what was more scary to realise was the amount of weight I had lost in comparison to this time last year (and it isn't through choice). So all of these things combined (and the fact my sugars are a little out of control) means I will be starting some IVs on monday. Whilst I don't necessarily feel bad they think it is better to get on top of it now before it gets worse. The problem is that high blood sugars feed infection, making the infection worse. This in turn can cause blood sugars to become even more elevated and thus begins a very vicious cycle. So fingers crossed that these IVs will help recover that loss in lung function and hopefully my sugars will also come under control more without me having to play around with my insulin ratios.
My foot is still very bruised and sore. The bruise has now spread across the entire top of my foot and is turning into some very pretty colours (I have some blue, light purple and dark purple!). I can't actually get my foot into my trainers as the top of my trainer hurts too much for me to wear it. I can however get it into my boot with a little bit of pain. However once the boot is on it is not too bad. Walking isn't overly comfortable right now as pressure in the wrong place sends some nice shooting pains through my foot. Whilst I am pleased it is not broken, I don't necessarily think soft tissue damage is any better. When I'm not walking and just sat down there is no pain in my foot but still need to take paracetamol regularly so I can walk about (like I was advised to do).
So thats my 2012 so far, how has yours been?????
Monday, January 2, 2012
Interesting start...
So an interesting start to the New Year it is!!
Today I went round to my grandmas house to take down her christmas decorations for her and put back her ordinary ornaments etc. Well I somehow managed to miss the last stair and fell down it resulting in this nice lump and bruise appearing on my foot:
It is very sore and I can't currently bend my big toe or really walk on this foot with out a very large increase in the pain. I have however managed to reduce the swelling now by alternating an ice pack and heat. I don't think it requires a trip to the hospital (mainly because I don't want to sit in a&e for hours to be told they can't really do anything), however if is still very painful tomorrow or the swelling increases then I will go and see what they can do!
Today I went round to my grandmas house to take down her christmas decorations for her and put back her ordinary ornaments etc. Well I somehow managed to miss the last stair and fell down it resulting in this nice lump and bruise appearing on my foot:
Sunday, January 1, 2012
To all my blog readers old and new I wish you all a very
I hope that however you saw the new year in was a good one and you enjoyed it. My night was spent with a very good friend who I have known for 12years, her husband and her family. A simple night of dvd watching, game playing and laughs abound.
May 2012 be a year full of happiness, good health and full of many happy memories for you all
I hope that however you saw the new year in was a good one and you enjoyed it. My night was spent with a very good friend who I have known for 12years, her husband and her family. A simple night of dvd watching, game playing and laughs abound.
May 2012 be a year full of happiness, good health and full of many happy memories for you all
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